Becoming

This morning, like every morning, I woke to two sleeping babes in my bed. Stella's head resting on the edge of my own pillow and across the bed just the tip of Joaquin's head poking out from the white quilted cover. I slowly slide out of the warm sheets and put my feet on the floor. From the bathroom I can hear the faint sound of Mr. showering and readying himself for work. My heart feels full, the day holds possibility, I am happy. I have slept well despite Stella's twilight requests for lechita and her binkie. It is in the morning that I feel most inspired. The sun feels warmest on my face and the birds song sound sweetest. Over coffee the news of a friends baby being born brings me to joyful tears. My chest feels tight my heart swelling and I have the strong desire to be with new Mom and baby. To make sure they are okay, that they are bonding, skin to skin that baby is nursing and Mom is recovering well. Now that I have had my own children there births seemingly fresh in my mind there is great joy at the news of a pregnancy, delivery and yes, even labor.  I am and will be for the rest of my life, a mother. Maybe this is what drives my excitement of such news?

Just Write

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Coffee, Sleep & Babes

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In the past few days I have read two blog posts (1,2) about lack of sleep and babes not sleeping through the night. Well, I am right there with you mommas!
By far the hardest thing about being a mom, so far has been the lack of sleep.
When you are tired it just seems to make everything a bit more difficult. We are cosleeping parents and only out of desperation tried CIO for about 20 minutes with my son. It's just not for us. this morning I woke with Stella's feet on my forehead and Joaquin cuddled at my side. I love being close to my babies and yet I sleep the best, the hardest when they are asleep in the nursery. What I do know is that the sleep deprivation won't last forever. With walking and running and harder, longer play little ones tend to sleep longer. With fuller bellies from solid foods they tend to wake less for night time feedings. I only say this from experience with my own little ones. Joaquin did not sleep through the night until well after his first birthday.
While Joaquin now sleeps in his own room he only seldom sleeps there all night even if he comes into our bed early morning to cuddle. He is 2 1/2. Stella still wakes to eat twice and is a very restless sleeper. Throwing her body around and fussy although she does not want to be held, or fed most often. Just restless. She never spent a single night in the crib and so about a month ago we took it to storage.
How do I manage?
Coffee and the occasional nap. I go to bed when Stella does and my Mr. puts JQ to bed a bit later.
It works for us, for now.
I know that all too soon Joaquin may stop coming in to cuddle and I will probably go in to cuddle him. Stella will start sleeping through the night and in her own bed. It seems that we are always eager for our little ones to start doing something. To start eating table food, to start walking, to start sleeping through the night. But then they are not babies anymore, no longer want to hold our hands or cuddle in bed. And that is something I am not hoping for, any time soon.
So for now I have found a fantastic under eye concealer and always have coffee and cream in the house. What keeps you going after the sleepless nights and early mornings?

There Is No Failing At This!

I ended last week tired, discouraged and a bit cranky. Thursday and Friday were tough Mommy days for me. Stellita wasn't sleeping well and because we Cosleep, neither was I.  Being tired doesn't add to the needed patience, humor, ingenuity, determination and not to mention agility needed in my day to day as a mommy. No joke.

 I neared tears numerous times, took a few mommy-time-outs (barricading myself in the loo), and caught myself as I neared the edge of sanity and just-plain-ugly with my son. This mommy thing is tough, like really tough.

Uh-Oh Cheerios!

On these days there are moments where I begin to feel like there isn't much more to me than being a Mom. But there is. There is so much more. I just need to dust it off and revisit it again.

I had tough days on the job before having children, but nothing like this. Nothing that I couldn't politely excuse myself from and ponder over leisurely with a glass of wine later that evening in my quiet, clean home. Ya know?

I love my children.

I love watching them grow and being present for all their discoveries and developments. To encourage their adventurous hearts and imaginative minds. I don't want them to have a worn out, cranky, over-worked-under-paid Mama. 

  The good days certainly outweigh the rough ones and I am SO not just saying that.

Its true. 

Numerous other Moms have told me it will get easier and I know it will. Both my babies are under the age of three, both were planned. I insisted, as did my husband, that one of us stay at home with them.

This is what I signed up for.

And I am blessed to have this opportunity.

Seriously.

But there is no failing at this!

sombra

So can I do it for two more years? I want to.

But I want to be happy doing so. I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to be good at being their mommy even on the tough days.

 This past weekend was good. We played hard and slept...better. I even got to meet an inspiring MOM OF FOUR and blogger, Morgan!

Today I am happy and feel inspired instead of discouraged.

We celebrate another birthday tomorrow, leave for vacation Friday AND I have brownies in the oven so... how could things be anything but optimistic!!

Linking to FTLOB!

Decorating The Nursery

While I was away my family painted the nursery. How sweet right!! So when I arrived home and saw the perfect shade of tarragon and avocado I was inspired to get decorating immediately. For the most part I moved my existing items around and hung paintings, wall stickers etc and added a bit of red for baby girl.  The nursery items we had like the crib bedding etc are all sort of gender nuetral (in a good way) so I am reusing them. The one item that the nursery is missing is a bed for Joaquin and this is why...
We are currently making the transition from cosleeping to sleeping independently.  I have been reading an amazing book called The No-Cry Sleep Solution For Toddlers and Preschoolers by Elizabeth Pantley. So at the moment Joaquin's crib mattress is next to mine in the master bedroom, baby steps people!!! I have ordered Joaquin a toddler bed which should arrive early next month and it will go in the nursery and so will he, I hope.