I ended last week tired, discouraged and a bit cranky. Thursday and Friday were tough Mommy days for me. Stellita wasn't sleeping well and because we Cosleep, neither was I. Being tired doesn't add to the needed patience, humor, ingenuity, determination and not to mention agility needed in my day to day as a mommy. No joke.
I neared tears numerous times, took a few mommy-time-outs (barricading myself in the loo), and caught myself as I neared the edge of sanity and just-plain-ugly with my son. This mommy thing is tough, like really tough.
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| Uh-Oh Cheerios! |
On these days there are moments where I begin to feel like there isn't much more to me than being a Mom. But there is. There is so much more. I just need to dust it off and revisit it again.
I had tough days on the job before having children, but nothing like this. Nothing that I couldn't politely excuse myself from and ponder over leisurely with a glass of wine later that evening in my quiet, clean home. Ya know?
I love my children.
I love watching them grow and being present for all their discoveries and developments. To encourage their adventurous hearts and imaginative minds. I don't want them to have a worn out, cranky, over-worked-under-paid Mama.
The good days certainly outweigh the rough ones and I am SO not just saying that.
Its true.
Numerous other Moms have told me it will get easier and I know it will. Both my babies are under the age of three, both were planned. I insisted, as did my husband, that one of us stay at home with them.
This is what I signed up for.
And I am blessed to have this opportunity.
Seriously.
But there is no failing at this!
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| sombra |
So can I do it for two more years? I want to.
But I want to be happy doing so. I want to be the best mom I can be. I want to be good at being their mommy even on the tough days.
This past weekend was good. We played hard and slept...better. I even got to meet an inspiring MOM OF FOUR and blogger, Morgan!
Today I am happy and feel inspired instead of discouraged.
We celebrate another birthday tomorrow, leave for vacation Friday AND I have brownies in the oven so... how could things be anything but optimistic!!
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Hang in there, Chiquita. From reading your blog, your little ones are so lucky to have an awesome, loving, and nurturing mama like you.
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