In my usual position, left foot curled over my right, knees pulled up, the right side of my body caressed by the soft sheets of the bed. My sweet Stellita shares my pillow, her entire body pressed into mine. My eyes closed I breathe slowly and focus on the sounds outside the window. The humming sound the cars make as they whiz past on the highway. I think of it as a blowing wind as the sound of all the cars mix and become one continuous woooosh.
Events from the day and people's faces appear. They are telling me things, giving me advise. Can't they see I am trying to drift into dream land those fools? I brush them aside and quickly focus on the blowing wind out my open window.
Faint sounds of a baseball game trickle in from the living room. "...heater inside...base hit(cheering crowd)...right center field..." Stella's body so forcibly pressed against mine I've begun to perspire. I pull away to find myself at the edge of our king sized bed.
My eyes stay closed there is nothing but the darkness and the whooshing of the cars. My mind wanders. There are people again, looking at me. They stare as if to want answers, explanations. They want something from me but I turn away. Sleep. I want to sleep! I pull the corner of my pillow in tight and imagine a field. The wind blowing with the whoosh of the cars I feel my body sink a bit deeper into the welcoming mattress. The field is thick with flowers, yellow flowers, black eyed Susan's I think. They sway in the wind and I catch a glimpse of Stella's unruly curls and the white of her teeth. Joaquin is there and greets me with a smile so big and bright. He waits until I am close then quickly races away. They run and play, criss-crossing as I chase after them. I can almost hear there giggling, almost. My Mr. is watching us from a distance just inside the shade of an old building. My heart swells and a sense of belonging fills my relaxed body as I fall into sleep. I feel Stella's arm touching mine and hear the whoosh outside the window. I press my face into the pillow and I'm back to running through the flowers.
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There is nothing like that feeling of having your child tucked up under your chin, softly sleeping together.
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